UNDERSTANDING SELF ESTEEM

Self esteem is something that every person should have and the loss of it in a person's life spells disaster. Just like anything that a person has to have, a person should work at building his/her self esteem. Before one can do that, there is a need to know things about self esteem.

Self esteem is how a person perceives himself/herself. There are various factors why a person should think about having a positive attitude, the value he/she gives to himself/herself as a human being, his/her career and his/her achievements in order to develop a high self esteem.

So basically, self esteem deals with how a person thinks about his/her own self. It is the mental self image that we have of ourselves, and can play a huge part in your success or failure as may be the case. A person with a high self esteem thinks positively about themselves, while the person with a low self esteem is flooded with negative emotions.

Gillian Butler and Tony Hope, authors of the book “Managing your mind”, explain very well the characteristics of a person with low self esteem:

-         The feeling that no one loves you.

-         Too much dependence on others and inability to make decisions independently.

-         Feelings of jealousy.

-         Too much worry.

-         Too much fear trying new things in life.

-         Trying to be perfect all the time.

-         Difficulty in recognizing feelings in the self and in others.

-         Feelings of frustration.

-         Too much anger.

-         A need to be better than others.

-         Poor performances at work or school.

-         Too critical of yourself and of others.

-         Too much bad health.

-         Bad eating habits.

-         Refraining from looking at people eye to eye.

-         Drug and alcohol abuse.

-         Feelings to hurt yourself.

SELF ESTEEM DETERMINES WHO WE ARE:

Self esteem plays a great part in how well we do in our lives, which isn‘t that obvious to us, so it can determine how successful we become. Our views of ourselves, what we think of our abilities and innate talents, affect our thoughts patterns. These thoughts are then turned into actions.

The actions we take in life are very important, as we use them to realize our dreams. If we don’t reach the goals we set for ourselves, or fulfill our dreams, it could be that we are not taking the right steps towards reaching our potential, or that you are actually doing something wrong.

Most people don’t realize the connection between our thoughts and actions. When you have positive thoughts, your actions are very positive, and at the opposite end of the scale, if you have negative thoughts then you are likely to project that into negative actions and may become inactive.

We all have dreams and ambitions and to fulfill those does take time. What give you the drive and determination to succeed in high self esteem. This can give you that extra push and will power to reach your goals. Low self-esteem can, as a consequence, be a stumbling block to reaching your potential, as the difficulty you face is being able to carry out the actions necessary to help you reach your goals.

Basically, self esteem is about how a person views themselves and their abilities. Feeling positive about oneself will give us high self esteem; having a low opinion about oneself will give us low self esteem.

We lower our self esteem by personal criticism, which is the worst kind as this can be soul destroying. You should never tell yourself “I can’t” or “that’s impossible” as criticizing yourself leads to self doubt. It is better to use positive words and thoughts that instill confidence in yourself, then you can achieve anything you set your heart on. Believe in who you are!

So what should you do to build up your self esteem? Your thoughts patterns plant root feelings which we then act upon, so it is important that you try to keep positive thoughts which you find beneficial. It is best to focus your attentions on your successes and your achievements, rather than your failures and losses. We all make mistakes, but it is best not to dwell on them. By looking at your past and remembering what you’ve achieved isn’t part of vanity, its acknowledging and recognizing your abilities.

We have all accomplished something in life and by sitting down and making a list of all those achievements. It allows you to look back and remember those great moments. You can relive the hurdles and obstacles that you overcame to meet the challenges you faced, it is quite a surprise when you see that you have already achieved so much in life.

At times when you have the greatest feelings of self doubt, this list is something you can refer to remember those wonderful achievements. As you succeed in doing more things, you can add them to your list.

You should always remember that self esteem and success in life are correlated, so work at improving the quality of your thoughts for future success.

It is true that the best time to get a high self esteem is when you are a child, but that doesn’t mean can’t help it once you’re adult.

When you look at the most successful people in life you will understand how much a healthy self esteem can do for you. The reverse is true as well- most of the problems faced by society today can be traced back to low self esteem, which can turn them to be destructive towards themselves and to others in the society as well. If you find your own self in such a frame of mind, maybe you should consider attending a good self help seminar. If you feel you don’t have time or money to attend such seminars, that shouldn’t stop your efforts to improve the self image. You could always opt for self help books and articles or eBooks on the net. After all, its you who will benefit from this process, so don’t give up easily. Don’t give up till you have a healthy self image and a successful life.

In the next post, we will discuss how to develop a healthy self esteem. I look forward to reading your thoughts and experiences on this topic. Your comments make a difference for all of us.