“The abandonment of personal accountability makes self esteem, as well as decent and benevolent social relationships impossible. In its worst manifestation, it becomes a license to kill. If you want a world that works, you need a culture of accountability.”
Psychotherapist Nathaniel Braden, PhD,
author of “Psychology of self esteem”.
A healthy or high self esteem is characterized by tolerance for others. We become people who are responsible for ourselves, have integrity, feel good about our accomplishments. We are self motivated and directed, willing to take calculated risk, capable of handling criticism and see ourselves as lovable and loving. We seek the challenge and stimulation of worthwhile and challenging goals.
11 EASY WAYS TO DEVELOP HIGH SELF ESTEEM:
KNOW THE ISSUE:
The problem isn’t who you are; it is what you think you are protecting yourself from. Its hiding who you really are: a beautiful human being, a wonderful source of awareness, knowledge, creativity, love and joy.
Learn how to love yourself more instead of hating yourself.
CONTROL WHAT YOU CAN AND FORGET THE REST:
Change and act on the things that are in your control and release the things that are out of your control. Simple!
BE RESPONSIBLE:
Finding self-confidence requires accepting responsibility for your own happiness, and recognizing that you are a product not only of your genetic code and environment, but of the choices you make. Begin your day with the words ‘I can’ and ‘I am responsible’.
MISTAKES ARE LESSONS TO LEARN:
Most mistakes are not personal tragedies; rather they are problems you now have the opportunity to solve. ‘Success’ is often a string of failed attempts to get it right.
BE AMBITIOUS:
When setting goals remember that you are distinct from what you have and what you seem to be. If you let others define who you are, you will never find happiness or reach your goals.
TAKE RISK:
Don’t be afraid of making mistakes. Risk-taking builds confidence. When considering any risk: define a clear goal. Review the positive, practical and potential losses.
Determine whether the risk is one of trust, identity or something large risks that have a larger purpose, you can’t go wrong. Even if the risk doesn’t turn out as you hoped it would, you will gain from it. Take a risk. Be confident- you have earned it-.
BE POSITIVE:
-Look for the benefit in every situation.
-Avoid negative influences even if it’s a family member or a close friend, don’t tolerate anyone’s bad behavior.
-Smile often, smiling will get rid of all the negative energy and will spread the positiveness around to everyone around you.
-Find an optimistic quote or saying and keep it in your wallet or pocket at all times for a quick reference.
- Meditate...
- Meditate...
SPEND TIME INVESTING IN YOUR PERSONAL GROWTH:
-Learn something new: create new hobby. Increase your vocabulary one word a week.Take on a new physical challenge or activity.
-Read self help books and act on the knowledge.
-Make decisions: what are you gonna lose, really?
-Reward yourself: Give yourself and others positive rewards for being and doing well.
BE AWARE OF NEGATIVE THOUGHTS:
Don’t accept messages that damage your own self esteem. It is much easier to improve or change your behavior when you believe you are lovable and capable. If you want to be happy, follow your happy feelings, not your unhappy ones.
UNWELCOME CRITICISM:
The moment you hear a critical remark, ask yourself, “What’s on this person’s screen?” …Assume that all critical remarks arise from some shortcoming. Remember that people can only criticize what’s on their screen and their screens are not reliable. It’s very unlikely that any criticism is based on an accurate perception of you. Thinking poorly about yourself because such critics is a WASTE OF TIME AND ENERGY. When someone criticizes you do and say the following: Smile and say to yourself ‘boy, I wonder what’s on their screen to make them so critical of me?’ Remember it’s about them NOT ABOUT YOU.
Remember that all criticism share one characteristic, it’s unwelcome. You didn’t invite people to dump the distorted contents of their screen on you. You may feel that you owe some critics a response, but you never owe a critic your self esteem.
SMALL STEPS LEAD TO MORE STEPS:
A small success can bring big feeling of competence. Pat yourself on the back every time you make a small success. Every step counts. Take one step at a time in a positive direction; this is the practice of self esteem.
Real healthy self esteem allows us to love ourselves and to love the world, because we aren’t threatened by others. We don’t need to compare ourselves and our lives to other people. In the context of self esteem we both can be great. We can live from kindness and generosity without an agenda.
It’s not codependence, but rather a healthy space to come from that allows for differences in philosophy, thought and dead. I don’t have to diminish you for me to feel good.
Have you implemented these practices? If so, how have they made a difference for you? Do you have any ideas that you’d like to add to these? I look forward to hearing about your experience. Your comments make a difference for all of us.
Read ‘UNDERSTANDING SELF ESTEEM’ here:
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